Tuesday, June 7, 2016

Self Sabotage

The true difficulty in achieving what you desire lies in obstacles. Some are in relationships where you truly don't feel allowed to be what you want to be. You feel pressured to be everything that you are not. While inside you long to be what you desire, you feel obligated to be what others want you to be instead.
I was watching a show the other day that stated that everyone's greatest fear is rejection...being outcast. People will do things completely against their known nature all out of fear of not being accepted. People work jobs they hate, flatter bosses who are cruel to them, cater to people who are unkind to them.. all in a desperate attempt to 'fit'. 
Image result for uncertainty woman
Perhaps you have a family that doesn't truly accept you. Perhaps you have a spouse that rejects you. There are countless things that can make you feel unfit and consume you. I was in this state.  What I wanted to do, I wasn't doing. I felt pressure to do what I wasn't up to doing. When I would imagine no one else in the picture and my living alone what I'd do was simple and so much different but in a family situation it can be difficult. Most people in roadblocks are in some dilemma. They want to go one way... others want them to go a different route and indecision keeps them stuck....often in a place that goes nowhere at all.
Many of you have made roadmaps. You have dreamed out what you desire and dreamed of attaining it but something stopped you. In order to master this course, it is truly a matter of overcoming that. There is one thing that will set you free. Your ability to plan and your ability to overcome obstacles.
There is a secret when it comes to others. Their opinions do not have to define you.
Are you fearful of dressing in a way you like because of what others will say? Do you not pursue your dreams because others will comment or you might not be accepted?
In the meantime, do your assignments when naysayers are not around. Find a time when no one will be there to hurt you and plan your goals then. Don't run things by someone who will discourage you. Believe in yourself. Let yourself truly be you.
I was reading a book by Joan Collins and she was reflecting on her younger years.... she mentioned that  when she was younger, women truly enjoyed grooming and pampering themselves and it 'showed.' In our crazy movement of rejecting femininity, women walk around with manly postures, ungroomed hairstyles, dirty clothes and then are miserable because no one treats them like a lady.
They are angry at every woman who attracts male attention but they refuse to be a woman themselves because they fear.....'rejection'
and I won't lie. I fell into this trap recently too. I let my weight go because I was afraid of upsetting people by taking smaller portions which made them feel guilty for taking larger ones. I quit grooming because it made others uncomfortable. I quit doing the homemaking I adore and got 'real jobs' and do you know what happened?
People commented that I had once been so confident... what happened?
One thing.... I started to listen to them and try to appease them. I quit being me out of fear of upsetting or not being accepted... and then I realized that when I was truly me and didn't care 'what' others thought... I had friends all around. True friends will be drawn to the true you... the sooner you are you.. the sooner you will see who your true friends are.
Many of the greatest achievers would never have become great if they had listened to those who shot them down.
Don't neglect the dreams placed within you. Don't repress who you truly are. It is not a crime to be a girl. Embrace it.
So I began to do the things I love again. I got up and got ready..I started planning my day as I would have all along and I made sure my passions and dreams were a part of my life.
Do NOT let others define you.
They will always  pull you down.
Dress in a way that reflects your true soul. There is nothing more beautiful than embracing who you truly are and celebrating the beauty that is you. Don't be afraid to look at yourself and see what is lovely. If you have lovely lips, define them. Draw attention to them. Wear a darker shade of lip color or add a gloss. If your shoulders are lovely, buy clothes that show that. Don't be afraid to walk in a way that makes you look feminine and shows the true beauty that you are. Dress in clothes that express your favorite colors and patterns. Enjoy decorating your home and you each day. Enjoy being a woman.  The women in the 50's adored it. You can too.
Start thinking of the meals you'd love to make and the d├ęcor you'd love to have in your home. Start thinking of the lovely styles of clothing you'd love to wear or the makeup colors you've always been drawn to.
Make it your goal not to join others in a pity party anymore. embrace being feminine. Embrace your dreams. Embrace your goals.
Pull our your road map and plan again. What it is you'd like to achieve. This time set a date you'd like to achieve it by. There is something about having a definite plan that makes goals so delightful. So perhaps your home is a disaster this week. Set a plan. Where do you want it to be? What can you get done this week? Plan it.
 Is your figure a mess? If you were to follow a 1200 calorie diet, and lose say 2 lbs a week.... how many pounds would you lose this month? By August? Jot those numbers somewhere you can see them and then reach for each weekly goal. All week plan for that  2lbs. Think of the amazing things you'll be able to wear by August if you follow your plan and make it your goal this week to reach your two pound goal. I used to try taking half as much on my plate as normal but I'd cheat. Each of us has different things that work for us. But the true secrets are... (take more vegetables on your plate. Load them on. Then make sure to always take some of the delightful tasting item you crave... Eat the vegetables first. Your appetite will be less. Then slowly nibble savoring every bite of the dessert you saved for last. Stop when you feel yourself feeling the slightest bit full and let yourself save some for tomorrow if you can't finish.
Not finishing is good... it leaves more for tomorrow. Instead of bemoaning not eating it. excitedly think of eating it at a special time the next day. I used to LOVE taking home my favorite dinners that I didn't finish.. I'd have a restaurant meal the next day to eat in my home. Not finishing your plate is NOT a bad thing. It's a good thing. In the same way eating one chocolate out of a box of chocolates lets the delight last all month... where as eating the whole box in one setting will always feel dreadful.
Make food a delight, not a guilt.
When you clean imagine how lovely your home will look instead of how dirty it is now. Get into the habit of decorating so that its something you love to do - to make it lovely.
Buy one outfit that you feel amazing in... your dream outfit and be brave enough to put it on one day. Don't say it's not a good day to wear it or you need to save it for a special event.... put it on that day. and notice how much you love dressing. Comfort is essential. When you select an outfit, make sure it is comfortable. Then be brave enough to wear it. Glamorous women do.
You don't have to dress down to be a housewife. Dress as if you were going to a fancy office. There is nothing that says you ever have to dress sloppy. ever. And I truly advise you not to. Nothing... and I mean nothing tears apart self esteem more than letting yourself go.
Dress to impress. Enjoy being groomed. Enjoy the art of dressing nicely and making your home beautiful. Learn to not take in what negative people say to you. If you absorb their comments you will feel badly about yourself. Think of others who dress the way you are.. the ones you long to be like and delight that you are reaching your goal. You are truly being YOU. And surround yourself with those who love YOU. And accept you at all times.
Here is a sheet I quickly put together. It is just a brainstorming guide.
Use my sheets to design a system that works for you ...but using this list each week to plan what you would like to get done each week should help you. First off think of what your goals for the week are... what your 'dreams' for the week are... your longings... then set a plan to reach them. How would you like your home to look THIS week? How would you like your appearance to look THIS week? How would you like your meals to look THIS week? Do not  put off until later what you can do right now. You could choose at this moment to be groomed and never be ungroomed again. This very moment. It merely takes a choice. You could choose to clean your kitchen and vow to never have it anything but spotless again. How much weight do you want to lose THIS week?
Plan it.
You can change your life beginning now.
A small movement will set the waves in motion.
Ready set..... BEGIN.


  1. I am always so excited to see a new post on your blog, and they NEVER disappoint! So true and so wonderful that you post such words of wisdom!

    Thank you, ~Mrs.J~

  2. Thank you so much for this post! It was exactly what I needed to hear.
    Very encouraging:)

    ~ Mrs. M

  3. Beautiful, inspiring and spot on. I am implementing this asap!! ☆♡☆♡☆♡

  4. Beautiful, inspiring and spot on. I am implementing this asap!! ☆♡☆♡☆♡


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