Saturday, March 12, 2016

Discovering Your Femininity

I have been working feverishly on a way to show you each day how to organize things into that ideal that I was living just a few years ago. It was truly amazing and I wish I was there now to share with you how I lived and the amazing things that resulted from stepping back into time and living as they once did. One of the most amazing things was that I was living on so much less than we do now and I was so at peace. I can't even begin to describe the bliss of not having any other stress but keeping house. I had a small job at the radio station where I worked part time but otherwise it was just me at home and it was so wonderful. I think that if I show you how I organized my day.. it might give you a glimpse.  I will have to adjust my schedule once again as well but honestly it is something I have been craving to do so we shall do it together ;) After the housefire, I just fell apart honestly. I became sick with lung issues that are still plaguing me to this day and I began to frantically work. Live throws you  mountains sometimes. Do I wish that we didn't have to work as women today? All the time. Watching your home fall apart as you helplessly spend your entire day working is heart wrenching. There is no joy greater than keeping your home and family in order. There truly isn't. I could wait for everything to be in perfect order and then show you the ideal times or I could show you life as it truly is. The sick days and hard times... and how we keep the traditional lifestyle throughout. In sickness and health, prosperity and trials and make what we love to call "home". This 'gem' I discovered... of a lifestyle once shared by so many in our lovely country, is truly a haven. We fell away and I would like to shine a light on what we left. I will begin by discussing the obstacles... the roadblocks that may be harming you.
I will take you with me back in time... to a simpler life and give you a glimpse into my lovely world.
Jump in and ride along and we can recreate a life that many don't realize they've lost.The mindsets that have changed, the outlooks.. One of the most peculiar things to do is to watch  show from when you were younger.  Where once upon a time, elders had to try to tell children of the 'good ole days', you can now literally pull it up online and show it to your children.. hoping that in some small way, something will rub off on them. It is technology that has opened the eyes of the younger generation today to what we've lost. They see older movies and films and look with wonder at a world that they've never known. In fact, it was the first thing that mesmerized me. I remember watching a movie on tv when I was younger on Turner Classic Movies and I couldn't quit watching it. I was so excited to mimic the femininity that I saw. But when I did, I was looked at oddly. For some reason, it was never the right time for me to become that kind of woman. It was never appropriate for me to dress as they did. Never appropriate for me to do my makeup as they. If I tried to mimic the mannerisms I was looked at as a temptress. and I could not for the life of me figure out why becoming a lady had become inappropriate... yet oddly, being masculine is completely accepted. There is not a place you can't walk where women don't proudly strut with their masculine assertive gait. But try to walk with a high heel and a swivel in your step or to do your hair in the extravagant ways of old and you are looked at as inconsiderate or indecent. Femininity is not gone. It is a deep longing in the hearts of so many women who feel that it is wrong to express it.
When did becoming masculine as a woman become accepted yet being feminine rejected? Why is it ok for a man to doll up in feminine clothing and makeup that we would be chastised for trying to wear? A man can doll up in glamorous do's and makeup and the trendiest of feminine attire and everyone is amazed at how beautiful that man made himself.... yet if a woman does  the same? She is ripped apart, insulted, chastised and rejected. Yet everyone loves the manlike woman that says hi in her masculine overalls. 
 
Our hearts are broken as women. We feel that our bodies and femininity are now something we must conceal...Somehow being a woman has become something to be embarrassed of... but for heavens sakes, why? 


I will admit that there is an issue with decency in our country. But I do not believe that being a woman is in any way indecent. 
We have almost been pressured to deny our values in fact and called names if we truly desire to stay pure or 'wait until marriage.' 
Everything we are doing degrades us. Our desire to be accepted by men in the workplace has caused us to be treated with contempt and disregard by men. They began to put us down to 'keep us in our place.' From there the disrespect became worse and worse. Men began to take advantage of women. Since women can do it themselves, men no longer want to hold our door or pay or bill. Since we can 'do it ourselves.' men began to let us take care of ourselves then as they began to take advantage of us and disrespect us in every way possible.

We had to become tough... showing sadness, femininity, softness, meakness, delicate features etc...became a weakness we were to resist.
But I have a secret for you....
A lady doesn't have to. 
A lady is a 'lady'. She doesn't have to tolerate inappropriate behavior, rudeness, and insults.
She does not have to allow crude comments or disdain from men. She doesn't have to cheapen herself or give up her moral beliefs. She doesn't have to act strong or tough or hide her tears 

In fact, she refuses to.
A lady knows that the right man will treat her right and she accepts nothing less. 
A lady knows that it is her right as a woman to 'look' and act like a woman.
It is her right as a woman to be respected and treated chivalrously for being pure and decent.  A lady knows that keeping a home is a noble thing. Just as a fashion designer male now prides himself on his culinary skills and decor... that is what 'we' are truly superb at. Men still reign in masculine positions. Yet they are making us ashamed of our talents. While we continue to admire the man who builds something for us, we are put down for a desire to do something feminine such as dress or keep a lovely home. This is nonsense. It is your right to have an amazing figure and beautiful negligees. It is your right to have a lovely home and it is your right to take time to make lovely meals. 

 
It is your right to walk in a feminine manner and dress in a feminine way and it is your right to expect a man to treat you as a lady is to be treated. 
 
I encourage you today to revel in your femininity and demand respect from men.. not in a masculine aggressive way.. but in a feminine way of withdrawing interest and company. You do not need to try to shout and fight like a man or order him to respect you.. but you can with poise, lift your head and walk away when you are mistreated. You can refuse to be there again until you are treated right. I was sitting at a convenience station the other day and I watched. Women have become so afraid of being women... largely because doing so encourages men in the most inappropriate of behaviors but all the while, men have grown to an indecent amount of pride. They have turned into true brutes loves. Don't reward such behaviors. Don't encourage them. Walk with your class and style. Dressed decently of course and if a man whistles look at him as queen Grace Kelly  might and show shock and offense at the crudeness and then delicately slip away. 
 
When men see that they can't 'demand' what they want'. When they see that acting 'macho' and overtly tough and rude will "NOT' get the eye of the lovely lady.. they will change. 
When men realize that a lady will only look their way when they are polite and chivalrous again, they will adjust. 
 
We are disrespected because we have begun to disrespect ourselves. We have forgotten that we are women and as such deserve to be treated as women. 
Being a woman is NOT a negative thing. It is an enchanting amazing thing and the men who put you down to get you, crave you with every ounce of their being. Even in their disrespect, men are fascinated with women. They simply express it in a much more inappropriate manner. 
You have been blessed as one of the most beautiful creatures in creation. Men are not better than you.
and women of old were taught to be picky in their selection. 

You need to be as well. 
And the selection doesn't end the day you say 'I do.' It continues...Forever. To earn your favor, a man must always 'behave' himself. If his is mistreating you, looking at other women, not fulfilling his obligation as a faithful man, you are under no obligation to continue yours. 
 
Just as he had to 'earn' you, he must continue to deserve you. You are the same amazing lady and the minute he mistreats you, walk away. Do not tolerate it. Keep your dignity. Keep your poise. Do not quit grooming because he has frightened you by acing upset by it. He continues to groom does he not?... so can you. Marriage does not mean you are required to stop being you. or that you must lower your standards in what time of man he should be. He shows disapproval if you aren't as he likes, do likewise. 

 
Continue to show that you expect to be treated as a lady. Continue to demand proper treatment. Continue to know you are worth more. 
I know I talk of this subject tirelessly but if we do not change it, what will happen to your daughter when she meets a man? How much worse will you allow this to become? Do you want men to treat her with disdain? To cheapen her? To take advantage of her? Do you want her to be bullied in her home and terrified to dress or be a lady any more? All while he struts with pride at her captivity?
All while he looks at other women and disrespects her? Do you not see that her value is so much  more?

Will you allow your daughters to dress in ways that allow men to cheapen and treat them as they are worthless?
Ladies need to be taught that they are ladies. 
Teach them from a young age that they are valuable and like porcelain. Teach them to walk like ladies and revel in being a lady. Teach them that they are more precious than rubies and that their bodies are beautiful and worth more than that. Teach them NOT to cheapen themselves. Teach them that men need to treat them right and treat them with value and respect. Teach them to recognize a gentleman and to reject a brute and begin today to stop it in your own life. Stop rewarding men for inappropriate behavior. Stop accepting it at all. 

If we as women, lift our heads, dust ourselves off, refuse to be cheapened and dress with class and dignity and poise again, men will be forced to quit mistreating us. It begins with you love. 
Require respect. Require that a man treat you as a lady. Begin today. All while being loving and kind and poised yourself. Do not become ugly yourself in your attempts to be treated right. Be loving. Be pure. Be delicate.  Continue to be what is beautiful in femininity.  But be feminine. And walk away from mistreatment. 

I want you to consider what you do in life that is not in your moral comfort. Do you give into men for fear of retaliation or fear of their reaction if you didn't? Do you allow yourself to be cheapened because your afraid to be cast out if you don't? 

I have a secret. The girl who believes most in her worth, will not be cast out. 
Only those who cave in desperate to please, will be mistreated. 

 
You choose your pricetag each day by how you dress, how you walk and how much you believe you're worth. 

The sooner you learn to not give in and not desperately seek favor. The sooner you find your worth and believe you are valuable, the sooner you will be treated like a lady.

dust yourself off... clean yourself up. Wear the lovely clothes you long to wear. Dress as you long to dress and no longer cheapen yourself to earn a man. Make your man show he is worthy of you. 
Not rudely. I don't want you looking down on him either. But gently. and firmly. Don't give in. 
Stay poised. Stay firm in your belief that you are worth more. 
If he rolls his eyes at your grooming or mocks your outfit... don't give in and decide against the outfit, look at him with hurt eyes, and walk away to a room where you can dress in the outfit and feel beautiful. Don't give him any more attention than that.. just walk away and continue on. He should feel ashamed for his mistreatment... you should not feel ashamed of your desire to look lovely.
When someone mistreats you, lift your head, look at them with shock and hurt and walk away.
That is all you need to say. Then be you. lift your head and enjoy your life. 

Note the number of times you stop what you are doing, sloop your shoulders in defeat and give up being who you are because another chastised you. Note the times you wear something other than what you truly long to wear or walk less confidently than you desire to walk... don't. 
BE you. 
You are lovely.

Do you run around every day trying to keep your man from being upset with you.
Is there disorder and chaos in your home because of his fault finding? Has the anxiety of it caused you to lose focus and fall apart? Don't. Do what you know needs to be done because 'you' decided it needs to be done. Trust your schedule. Trust your plan. You were created with the amazing ability to clean your home and if you were single, I am sure you would do just lovely. Trust your instincts and follow your plan. you are a lady. you are an elegant lady and you have amazing style. Delight in it. 
Do what 'you' think needs to be done to make your home lovely. Grab a garbage bag and throw away everything in your room that makes you feel bad. Spray down dirty surfaces and polish them clean. Set out something that you think makes the room elegant. Refuse to live in a chaotic whirlwind of trying to keep up with your husband's unending to do list. Walk though the home and make your 'own' to do list of what you know you need to do and stick to your list. You are perfectly capable. 
It is only because I've seen a trend in men that I say this. There is a new trend with men capturing the woman and then running her ragged to have his own 'free time'. He is continually finding fault with you to keep you busy.. so that he never has to fear you finding another. He is insulting your attire to keep your from dressing up.. so that he never has to worry about you leaving him for another. 
All the while he is looking at others to keep you insecure... so that you are too downtroden to ever think you deserve another. It is not a mans right too look at others while with you and the sooner women stop allowing it, the sooner it will end.
if your man makes you feel bad about yourself, he is mistreating you. Don't allow him to see you for free. If he looks at others refuse access to you... walk away and dont allow his presence until it stops. If you must walk away 20 times, do so... with dignity. 
If he treats you right, stay. Enjoy the gentleman he can be.
If he does anything but make you feel attractive, loved and desired and encouraged, he is mistreating you. You can't force him to treat you right.. but you can refuse to accept mistreatment. Look at him with rightful hurt, walk away and continue on. Surround yourself with those who encourage you. Encourage each other on this site. 'Delight' in being a woman. Because being a woman is an amazing lovely thing doll. You are beautiful. Remember that. 


Veronique.





3 comments:

  1. Hey!
    Interesting post! I completely see you what you mean. I'm lucky I have a man that appreciates my femininity and MY embrace of it. I always try to look and BE a lady and it doesn't require more time than woman who don't.

    Remember a quote from Helen Andeline "If chivalry is dead, it's because women have killed it."

    Although your article focuses on the treatment of women by men, let's not forget how women treat each other! Women strongly judge and put down other women for being feminine. If they see a woman who knows how to be a lady (I mean not shopping in their pajamas) they automatically assume she is stuck-up, high maintenance or insecure. "Look how dulled up she is....." I hear it all the time. So if we as women are to make a change, then it must start with ourselves.

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  2. Thank you for writing this. It is so true, and well-expressed. Designers make clothing to degrade womwn. The prevailing culture degrades women.

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  3. Such a great post, thanks so much for sharing. I love the 50's and anything vintage!

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