Friday, January 29, 2016

Discovering Your Own Unique Elegance

I read the other day that the amount of household work a woman is expected to do actually INCREASES the more she works outside of the home. I have seen so many women fall apart from the pressures expected of them.
If they don't work, they are frowned upon as being lazy but if they do work, and any area of the home is less than ideal, they are scorned even worse. I will tell you this. You will be frowned at FAR more if you let the home or meals go than if you work less. I truly believe that men long for a business woman for one reason only: visual appeal. She is confident. She is ambitious. She has self confidence and she grooms to the hilt.
Men have begun to associate stay at home moms as being poor at grooming, unkempt and slovenly.

Then they see the girl walk by with no home and family to care for that spends her checks on tanning and beauty visits and is dressed to the hilt and they look down on their wife and begin to disdain her.

We need to improve the dress code as a stay at home housewife.
Dress as if you WERE going out today. Even better, have people in.
Take confidence in yourself again. dress nicely.
I used to be that career woman and it was so lovely. I had a very nice apartment. I could buy all the designer clothes I could want. I woke up and went to the gym and dressed the prettiest outfits I could each day. I had lovely nails. I had sophisticated shoes and purses and planners and I went to meetings where the top businessmen in my select town opened doors for me and took me to the finest of restaurants. To top it off, after work, I went ballroom dancing. My weekends were full of sight seeing, eating fine sushi, visiting my favorite malls etc.. but I was lonely. Domestics were not a huge part of my life. Nor was maintaining a difficult budget. I hate to say it but it was the easiest life, I have ever lived. I stayed trim far longer than my married friends. I looked young and lovely. I had literally no stress and endless visits to health spas. It was easy.

Men at this time, treated me like gold dolls. Absolute gold.

For some reasons as a woman becomes involved with a  family she starts to feel guilty for such things. The man who encouraged her to keep groomed and spend on clothes and hair appointments is now complaining about every lipstick tube bought.

If she stops to take a shower, he demands to know where breakfast is.
He complains of the home. He complains of meals. He complains of so many things and as she scrambles to do this and that and before she knows it is evening and she hasn't so much as brushed her teeth...then he takes her to the store and looks at her with disgust as he glances at every woman who had time to groom that day.
The reason I start with grooming... is because it is where so many women have fallen apart at the seems.
They started out as the woman he saw as so amazing. They were wooed, flirted with, romanced, and loved. They fell deeply in love in return and said I do. In a woman's mind it was an 'I do' to being loved as they were being loved. What often results is nothing near.

 They say 1 in 3 women are domestically abused. I do believe that if you take into account verbal abuse and the many unreported incidents, the number is far closer to 80%. There is a cultural problem. This problem is hurting married women more than anyone.

When women entered the workplace, men immediately began to attack. At work, we were mocked, put down, put in our place, and discredited.
At home, since our domestic skills were lessening, we became known as sloppy, lazy, incompetent undesirable..... need I go on. It's as if those women who are ambitious enough to attempt to juggle both have unwillingly become all... and so worn out they are simply a mess of sheer exhaustion.
When I take on such a schedule, I am treated the worst by my man. I have a million things undone, am struggling to do well at anything and my appearance is in shambles.

 However, when I worked less or not at all, stayed home, made meals, managed my budget and kept my grooming to a t... I was adored. And I was happy. I had time to read, to sew, to walk, to get my nails done. My home was lovely and the meals were incredible.
I was happy.
The truth is a home is a full time job. When it's in order, everyone in the home is in bliss.
When it's neglected, no one is happy.
There is also an issue with disrespect from men that has gotten out of control.
Men still want to groomed and dolled up wife that keeps the home lovely and makes lovely meals but now they expect women to work as well and I'm sorry but that is just not practical.

Not only that, men have become quite derogatory towards  women in general. I do believe that the women's liberation movement, while lovely in so manyways, caused a backlash that has enslaved women far more than before. We are now doing twice the work for a fraction of the respect. Women simply weren't disrespected near as terribly back then. No where near.

Men actually liked holding doors for ladies. Men weren't crudely vulgar to ladies.

My grandma once told me that if I want to be valued, I have to value myself.
Men will see no value in you, if you give yourself away for free.
Men respect most, what costs most. You must learn to raise your price tag. The way you carry yourself, dress, speak and act will determine how you allow others to treat you.

Consider your price tag. What do your appearance, your dress, your posture and your mannerisms price you as...? If you were to look at yourself, how dignified would you appear?

Many fear coming across as vain or conceited and that is where etiquette comes in.
Be kind to all. Treat everyone as you would like to be treated. Care deeply for others, but value yourself.
The amount of time you spend to care for your hair, teeth and clothing say a lot about how much you think you are worth. Your lack of confidence or confidence say everything... appear unsure of yourself and you will look easy to take advantage of and untrustworthy.
You want to make sure to stand confidently and be sure of yourself. You want to groom nice enough to show others that you are dignified and of value. You want to groom femininely enough to show that you are desirable to the opposite sex. You want to have grace and elegance that state that you are confident, certain and dignified. The more you believe in yourself and the more you present yourself as such, the more others will believe in you as well.
Change your price tag doll. If you've been advertising yourself as a doormat or easy, stop.
It begins with you.
Take the time to polish your appearance and present yourself daily as a woman of value.. as fine china rather than cheap plastic.
present yourself as being lovely, feminine and priceless.
I do believe it is the most important part of your day as it will affect everything about you.... how others treat you, how you feel, everything.
 So the first step in being an amazing housewife will not be what you expect at all.
But it will get you the results you desire FAR more.
I want you to increase your value.
I want you to actually devote time for caring for yourself.
I want you to quit allowing yourself to be abused.
Just like you believed you had value when you first dated your husband, you need to believe you have the same value now.
A man recently said to me... the way women are treated is their own fault. They allow themselves to be treated as such. and it was so painful to hear but it is true. Are you throwing yourself out there as easy and loose? Are you presenting yourself as sloppy, ill mannered, unkempt or slovenly?
Guess what? That is how you will be treated love.
Women in the 50's believed they had value.
They believed they were worth much.
and they believed they were truly beautiful.
Your needs matter.
Your feelings matter.
You are not a slave to serve him.
You are partners, in love, who serve EACH other.

Your husband expects much of you, I am certain..... How much do you expect of him?
Your husband demands respect from you. How much do you require respect from him?

At one time you made this man pursue you.
Men are attracted to women who respect themselves.
Men are attracted to women who believe they have value and won't take mistreatment.
Men are attracted to women who don't quit taking care of themselves.

I remember when we used to watch charles dickens 3 times or more at christmas time. It's hard not to be fascinated by the women dressed to the hilt in wringlets and lovely dresses, gloves, bows, satin and more. That and the amazing meals and simply the etiquette.

Note the etiquette of the men towards the ladies. If a man sees you as a lady, he will treat you like a lady.

The way you present yourself... is how you will appear to said man.

It is natural as a woman to want to wear such lovely things. It is natural for a woman to want to be lovely. I have never seen a culture or society where women didn't celebrate their femininity until ours.

Whether it be the indian women in their amazing headdresses
, the egyptian women in their amazing jewelry,
the victorian women in amazing dresses and hairdos and dresses,
 the early 1900s in America when women wore amazing dresses and gloves and and hats.

Truthfully, tell me that you don't look in awe when you see the woman step out of the Titanic in her amazing dress and hat.

And in the 50's, women still loved getting lovely.

It is natural as a woman TO adore being lovely.
It is your right as a woman to be lovely. It is not only your right but a large part of who you were created to be.
Imagine a Christmas tree without lights or the fourth of july without fireworks.
That is a woman to me who doesn't realize that she is beautiful
Make the decision now to stop this movement that has stripped us of our identities.
Make the decision now to stop picking on other women for being beautiful and to stop denying yourself that same right.

Decide now that you are worth more than the way you are being treated and begin to carry yourself in a way that reflects this.

We all love being the belle of the ball....because we were created to be the belle of the ball.
Your wedding day and your first date are not the only occasions you were meant to be lovely. You were created to be that way daily loves.

I want you to decide this week to rediscover yourself.
I want you to start loving and caring for yourself.
I want you to rediscover the woman your husband fell in love with that had confidence and felt lovely. I want you to enjoy dressing and enjoy being a lady.
Make TIME this week for grooming.
Do your makeup at least one day when you don't feel like it and put on something nice as if you are going to an event.. Find something to go to if you need this excuse and then notice how lovely you feel once dressed. Then do it again and again... until dressing up feels right again.
Once you do, it will bless you more than you will ever realize.
The key is NOT to dress solely for your man. Dress because you love being a woman and because it feels right to YOU.
He will naturally be drawn to you.. when you learn to love yourself.
The minute he knows you didn't dress up FOR his attention and you even seem to have your attention elsewhere, he will be drawn curiously to you.
You will become mysterious ad fascinating and unpredictable to him and you will feel like YOU again to yourself. This is, after all, what you were when he originally fell in love with you was it not?

Think of a role model... someone you see that dresses elegantly that you long to be like. Make it your goal to have the confidence to dress as you long. Don't fear it. Don't feel guilty for it. Embrace it.
Match your coloring and your makeup to your attire. Decorate yourself as you would a finely designed room.
Enjoy discovering your own unique elegant footprint and features.
This is you. This is who you truly are. You have been wearing a mask forced on you by society when you truly have longed to be lovely. Allow it.
Be who you truly are.
Discover your own unique feminine print. You ARE a lady. YOU are just as lovely as any other woman is.
You areborn to be mysterious and lovely and fascinating. Do so.
The minute your husband realizes YOU think you you're beautiful again... he will too.
Much love,