Monday, December 2, 2013

Setting Your Priorities

It's amazing to me how as a writer, I am so quiet in other ways. 

 When my soul needs to speak, it does prefer the written word. I'll feel a tug at my heartstrings and out it all pours. I used to see it as a fault, a flaw. Where others could write one paragraph, for me, it would be a page. It was the way I was different. The thing others told me to change of myself. But deep down, it was who I was ...and I learned to accept it.   

 Over my life, it is my writing that has defined me. It is my writing that has saved me. And when I pray, it is often a long romantic letter to
God. It is my favorite form of expression. It is my soul.
 I have been learning so much this week about personal identity. How much I let others at times, decide just about everything for me. When I do rise up to make my own decisions, I often feel guilty. I am actually usually discouraged. I am even afraid to write some of the things I long to do as family wouldn't agree. One of those being culinary arts My love aside from writing. I can tend to try so hard to please everyone that I please no one. I have literally almost married a man I didn't love, lived for years where I didn't want to live, worked where I didn't want to work, even followed a diet I didn't want to follow... simply from inability to say no. When a day came that I looked at everything I'd written down to do each evening and not gotten to that morning, it became clear to me. I was putting off my needs until I'd met everyone else's. I tried to put everyone else first to a fault. I never got to me. I also habitually accepted everything and had far too much on my plate.
 Where it seems it would be so generous, I end up failing everyone miserably and denying myself far too much sleep. There are only so many hours in a day after all. It's hard for me to say no. My heart wants to do so much. Literally to the point of almost marrying someone I didn't even want to marry. I remember praying it would end and amazingly, someone else stopping it. But what if they hadn't? And years later, I'm the same. I wait for a rescue instead of just living the way I feel is right for me. I try too hard to please. too hard to not offend. I think it goes back to living for Him or others.

 Obviously we're not going to be much for Him, if we're living for Joe... or Sally or whomever it may be. I don't think we even realize how much we are doing that. Each day, look at what you feel God calling you to. That has to be priority number one after time with Him. Then, look at everything else you were planning to do...write it all down. Now, make a few columns. 1) things I'm doing because I don't want to let someone down 2) things I'm doing because I actually long to do them 3) important things I need to do.

 It's all about 321. If you don't get to one, you're not meant to. Let it go. Live for Him. And everything else will work out. If that person is that upset about something you feel called to, you've got to learn to let them be upset. Live for God. Do what you know is right. With Him calling the shots, you're just fine.
Much love always, V

1 comment:

  1. I absolutely just love your posts & the way you write. Your blog is amazing. I love how vintage it is but also focuses on God. I followed it as soon as I joined Blogger the other day. Keep up the good & lovely work! ♥
    -Julia

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