Friday, September 6, 2013

Manners and Sophistication in Conversation

Just like we all may not realize how ungroomed we come across or how rude we come across in first meetings, many of us have no idea how we come across to others in conversation.
We all have troubles, genuine frustrating struggles....what place should they take in your scheme of social relationships?
How do YOU like it when you greet a woman to tell her she looks well and she answers with "Well, I may LOOK well, but I really don't feel a bit back has been bothering me terribly..." Or the one who "simply must tell you something about Jerry"
Be careful not to tell your troubles -- physical, mental or spiritual to a casual acquaintance. Assuming that the other will show interest may be a serious blunder in your relations. Those are your problems, not hers, and it is your job to solve them.
With troubles, go to a sympathetic friend who has shown interest and concern. Even then, be sure that she can be truly helpful. If your problems are financial, do not expect advice from a friend who's income isn't fabulous. If you are disturbed by a marriage difficulty, don't talk to the friend who has had two divorces and tells you that repair is impossible.
Choose your confidants with care. Will she be open minded? Will she be able to evaluate the whole situation? Has she the wisdom in human relationships to be able to deal frankly with you even telling you the truths you don't want to hear? If she has these qualities, tell her the details in much the same manner as you would describe your ills to a doctor....then discuss your problem from every angle.
IF she's the type to make mountains out of molehills, avoid her like the plaque. What you want is a balanced sane point of view with plenty of perspective.
Even worse than the person who tells her troubles is the person who if full of countless irrelevant details. While we all love to talk, it can wear on those near us. Have you ever been in a hurry talking to someone who you couldn't stop. While it's amusing, it is equally tiring. Especially in situations where long talks are perhaps not convenient. Always be aware of her discomfort level. A pleasant speaker is always listening to non verbal ques. Being polite and charming means not offending. Be aware.
When you tell a story, brevity is always best. Cut away the unimportant details that can dull even exciting stories. Avoid the following: "The other day I was riding down town...was it Wednesday....not it was Thursday...oh no, it was it was Lexington because I looked in the window at Bloomingdales and loved their dresses..." By this time, their interest is gone. None of those details mattered. The point of the story didn't require such. When telling a story, stick to those things which contribute to the matter... cut it short. Expecting them to want to listen is expecting perhaps too much in the way of manners from them. :)
For the rest of this article with lessons in manners and sophistication in conversation from the women who knew grace and charm... click here.


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Being polite is more than just opening the right doors or smiling. It involves being considerate and kind in all areas. It involves being aware of where we may have a tendance to be selfish ...even in conversation.
Be careful. Learn to think of others in your speach and mannerisms and watch as your friendships and charm grow.
Much love,

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