Friday, July 19, 2013

Through Sickness and Health...

One of the things that has been a major focus of mine this month is marriage.
Our culture has completely changed the concept of marriage at a level that is destroying us from within.

I do not believe that people honestly believe in staying with one person forever anymore.
Like careers, marriage has transitioned from something people put so much energy into and based their life around to something exchangeable, removeable, undoable.
Even those of us who desire to stand by our man can fall captive to the cultural message around us.

We hear it so often from well meaning friends.

"you deserve so much better"
"why are you with him"
"don't put up with that, move out"

and it goes on. I've even learned not to share marital problems with anyone. It does nothing but harm to the marriage. The advice received will often not be to strengthen your bond to your spouse but rather to give up.

I see far too many women that do, over something small and regret it forever.

(did you know know that the last time she saw Ricky she cried and said, "He was the one... the true love." She lived a long lonely life letting him go. She never got over him.)

The entire idea of seeing marriage as something you can just 'get out of' is so wrong.
The point is to love the person so much, you work through issues together.

 To let your love be so strong and deep you don't give up, you are patient with each others struggles and you love each other so deeply, nothing can separate you.
 Work to develop this in your love lives. Learn to fall in lovely deeply. It will be an experience you will never forget.  You are, by even thinking of separating at all, not recognizing how deep it was meant to be.

I have, on occassion entertained such ideas. Do you know what? The next morning, I saw them for what they were. Silliness, pettiness, selfishness.

Often what I was so upset about was possibly justified but often he had a side 'just as' justified in return.
And NEVER has it been worth giving up everything good over.
Most of our fights are nothing but bad moods, irritable feelings, sick feelings, worn out feelings, bad days.
One or the other of us is run down, irritable, a mood spoiler and says or does things that hurt the other 'in a good mood.' The one in the good mood, gets angry, wants out etc.

Part of living together is living through the bad moods. They taught this once upon a time. When you got married, you were prepared... to stick through the fights, battle out your diffences, make a home and discover the love. When my mom first married my dad and and had their first marital fight, she stormed out of the house to go stay with my grandma. My grandma replied with, "go back to your husband... you need to work this out." My mom said it was the best thing that ever happened. She is happily with my dad to this day. She learned something that day. Marriage isn't about always feeling happy, or attracted. It's about learning to lover your partner and stand by him the way you once stood by your family.... through thick and thin. To always love and adore.. and when you do, it's amazing. ;) Each fight you make it through and kiss and make up, the more in love you fall. A love that surpasses any initial attraction. True deep love. The kind you dreamt of.
 When you stay with a partner long enough you can even predict them. The other day I was heading out, my man did not want to go. I kept pushing and sure enough something was said or done to hurt me and he stomped off. I saw what it was, he just wanted to stay home. I let him. When I came home, he was all kisses.

Men when they want something typically won't ask. They will be disagreeable in an attempt to not have to come, they may firmly say no or they may just hint at it.
If fights often happen in a similar situation....what is your husband getting from the fight? Is he avoiding a reponsibility? a trip? a lecture?

What is he saying through his actions. Learn to speak his language. Read his body language and signals. You can spare yourself a lot of pain when you learn to read his actions instead of words.
Even better, learn to love him.... through it all.
See that he is stressed or avoiding something. See his plight smile and kiss him and give him a few minutes. He'll be right back to get more of your love.
Men flee to where they are accepted. If he feels he'll have your love through thick and thin, he'll be addicted. ;) Especially if you love him through his bad moods. Learn not to get bitter. Learn to be the love he craves. Learn to be the comfort he desires.

Love is a beautiful, beautiful gift. Cherish it. See it as long term. Don't give up or want out over every little dilema. Plan to make a life with your man. Look to his good side. Adore his qualities.
Let him know you think he is the most attractive or loving man out there.
Admire him. Make him feel adored every bit as much as you did at first. Make him feel irresistable, like the most attractive man alive ;) He'll adore you for it.

and he'll never let you go ;)
And he'll never let you go ;)

And don't make arguments more than they are. They are not the end of a relationship. They are temporary bad moods. They pass and love grows stronger as you stay.

Marriage is so much more beautiful than any temporary fling could ever be.
When you give up on true commitment, you will always feel alone and empty.
There is such security in having a man always there.  The security of a home and love that won't ever abandon you. Be that for him as well. Give each other the security of knowing you adore each other and will sick together.

Our culture is falling apart largely because no one sticks by each other anymore. The relationship intended to be unbreakable is so fragile few ever stick together at all.
Children feel abandoned, husbands and wives feel replaceable, everyone is angry and no one has the security that a home is meant to offer.

Did you know that when families are healthy, loving, secure and unbreakable everything is better? Culture runs more smoothly. People are secure and happy and have a save place they can call their own where they are accepted and loved. Your husband needs this too. It will inspire him to accomplish and provide for you.
The minute he feels that you adore and love him, he will feel safe and adore you as well.
As soon as he knows he doesn't have to fear you abandoning him, he will be more secure attaching to you as well.
The bond of marriage is an amazing thing. Having someone who truly will climb every mountain and cross every ocean with you develops a bond nothing can rival.
Come rain or storm they will be there.
And when a man knows you love him and only him and are determined to stick by him through thick and thin, NOTHING will break his attachment to you.

Learn to fall in love again. Learn to believe in love that lasts. Discover the depth of true love.
Sink into it's comfort.
God bless you and your loved ones this weekend.
Blogs should return at a normal pace this next week. Those in my housewife course will continue to get daily lessons and assignments Mon-Fri ;)
You are lovely,you are loved and you are dear.

Much love always,

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