Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Heavy Weighted Emotions....Why They Blindside You and How to Conquer Them

It has been rainy here this week. One one hand it has been serene, peaceful cozy and lovely. On the other, there have been some storms with lightning, crazy winds, and the accompanying migraine headaches.

There have been extreme ups an extreme downs both weatherwise and emotionally. I believe that life would be dull without these ups and downs. It is the bad that makes the good so wonderful. They are the flavor of life.
 The spicy foods, the comfort foods, the ice creams, the coffee, the chocolate, and the cinnabuns.

The excitement of change causes each flavor to shine it's brightest. Think how we would get bored with the sun if there were no rainy days for the sun to shine through. If it rained everyday, it would be so gloomy but after a hot streak or desert like weather, it feels so refreshing, cool, and moist. There are days I'm so tired of sitting I could scream and getting outside is pure heaven. And there are days when I've been outside so long, I just want to curl up on a couch.

This is what will happen in your houskeeping, your planning, your relationships and more. There are days all I want is to curl up and hear my grandma speak. I've missed my uncle this month so much it hurt.

Emotions will attach to housework. For a time, my fiance would sit and read to me while I did housework. Then one day, he didn't want to anymore. I quit enjoying housework for a spell. It had been his company that had made me adore it. When he was no longer there, I just wanted to leave... not because I didn't LOVE keeping house...but because it made me sad. I was alone. It was no longer time with my baby and his lack of presence made me sad and lonely. It became so depressing, I had to get out. When my grandma died, cooking with her dishes killed me. When my uncle died, making cream cheese enchiladas, triggered tears.

Life is about change and as that change occurs, your routine will have to change as well. You may be so happy in your routine with everything going well and then change will happen. Suddenly you can't get your groove back. The emotions pile up and you are paralyzed. This is what I call 'Strategy Time.' First, recognize the emotion... what IS it you're feeling/missing/craving/mourning? If, like me, you are lacking company or perhaps recognition etc... it's time to strategize how to fix that kink.

This lovely man of mine is a master handyman. He hoards at times which can cause me a bit of stress but I am amazed at what he can do with what he hoards. On a whim he can take these things he collects and build anything. Literally. It amazes and fascinates me. This is what you will need to do with your planning. When a screw comes loose and he fines a way to "make" a screw, it amazes me. When your company is gone, it's time to find a replacement activity that will fill the same void. There are many things you can do to keep from feeling lonely, for instance. I began to use housework time as a time to call a friend I missed or even better if I absolutely couldn't get him off my mind... I'd do something to please him as I cleaned that day.

Set up a treasure hunt for him to find when he gets home. Set up a table display for dinner that night. Sneak cozy letters in places for him to find when he will, or I'd take advantage of his "lack" of being there to do the things he didn't like me to do in his company.... blast big band music and dance across the floor with any crazy dance move I felt a hankering for. Or, perhaps, piling my hair tall on my head imagining myself as the queen of my palace. I also love to see how many books I can pile on my head walking across the floor in 5 inch heels, watching every romance movie I'd adored when young etc.

  The secret to loving homemaking is to make it fun. Much of housework is alone. If you don't enjoy your own company, it will be miserable. In such case, I suggest a pet.

 Just make it fun. Sneak in surprises and fun things for yourself throughout the day as you work. Make them things you have to work to do. The other day I took every job I had to do and wrote it on a post it note. I taped them randomly on my upper cupboard. I set my time for 10 min and each time it went of I closed my eyes and randomly grabbed a post it. I changed my task each ten minutes throwing them away as I finished them. It was fun. It was creative and I got a LOT done. Sometimes you won't be able to make yourself "feel like doing it. I think many of us spend hours trying to find motivation and at times there won't be any. It's a matter of doing even when you aren't feeling good. The doing BRINGS the feelings around. There was a time this week I was just sad. There was no rhyme or reason to it. I was just sad. I said okay- 10 min. I'm just going to do this for 10 min. Once I started, I didn't want to stop. It just took making myself start. If your job said mop the floor, you may not want to, but you would. sometimes you have to make yourself start. You won't be able to make yourself feel like starting. At such times, you just have to start anyways.

When you start, it will feel better. But make it fun. Throw in things you love. Also, plan it. At the beginning of each day I want you to decide how many hours you want to do housework and then decide which hours they will be. 3-5? 2-4? 10-2? Those are your work hours. Turn off you phone. Turn off your computer. You are at work those hours. No interruptions allowed.

Then go for it with all your ferver and when do, you're off. Enjoy it! You can't always change your emotions. We have absolutely no control over how we feel. We do however have COMPLETE control over what we do and what we do WILL affect how we feel. So use that to your advantage. Give up on thinking you can change your moods. They are something you can't control. But take control of what you can - yor actions. What can you DO to make yourself feel different? Since you won't be able to control your feelings. Make note of what tends to make you happy in action. Then flood yourself with such actions when down. Make note of what makes you sad and avoid such things when moody. And when all else fails. Do what you know you need to do no matter how you feel. Don't let your feelings ruin your life. Take that control of your actions and make it right. I have had a busy week so I really must go but I hope you are all well.


Much love always! Veronique

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