Friday, June 14, 2013

When Venting Can Hurt

Many of us fall in love with a man we can pour our souls out to. We can vent about this. We can vent about that. We become accustomed to venting to him regularly. But then something changes. He no longer replies with earnst.  He stops listening at all. He may even 'have to go.'

We think we are trying to bond with him and come to him for advice....he sees an ugly side of us he longs to avoid.

Sometimes we can be blind to our affect on others. We see ourselves one way and yet come off as the opposite. With women, bonding often includes venting and complaining about this and that in our lives. As women, we don't often have a temper if we can vocalize our frustrations and unleash to a dear friend that builds us up.
The struggle comes when that someone is our husband.

Men look to women as a source of comfort and serenity. He likes to see her as good and pure and lovely. 'His' need from her is for her to be kind and gentle. That then fulfills his need of having her as a source of loving comfort. If you look at most of the women that men are attracted to, they look soft... tender... gentle.. comforting.


Even to women, we can come off as too much if we are not careful. I have a dear friend that went through a time where all she did was gossip about everyone. It got hard to hear. She didn't realize it but it made her look ugly and venemous. Often this is how we start to come off to our men.
If they start to see us as a negative thing... someone who will gossip, be cruel, talk lowly etc... they won't feel as comfortable bonding to us or connecting to us. They will see us as mean in a sense. They will avoid the conversations that cause them to feel this way. They will seek out someone more loving and serene.

How do you feel around the gossip? The snob? The one who demands her way? The one who forgets your needs?


One thing men are very careful, not to do, is vent and gossip. They are careful about what they say behind anothers back. They enjoy the drama free company of other males. This drama free usually means "gossip free." When men do complain it is usually of this trait in women.

It is a glitch in our nature that it is so important to keep on top of. Sometimes even we don't realize what we are doing until the person we accidentally vented about was told what we said.

Then we feel awful. There are so much healthier ways of dealing with hurts from others than venting about them to another.
If you truly desire to be like a 50s housewife, look at their mannerisms and how kindly they speak. Watch how they are careful to be pleasant and gentle. This is something we have lost over time but it has drastically affected how men treat us as well. Men are almost always kind to a gentle female. They will hold doors for her. They will adore her. They will see her as lovely and be much more attracted to her.

Men are more attracted to a sweet gentle soul with a kind temperament and lack of gossip than they are to a pretty face.

When you consider your role in the home: to nurture, love, tend to and nourish your husband and family providing them with comfort and serenity and a place to feel accepted, it is vital that you learn to take on this role and eliminate the struggle with negative emotions and feelings.
When he hurts you, if you show gentle hurt and pull away, he will be much more likely to come back and make ammends than if you lash out in hurt anger.

Learn to find the gentle loving side of yourself. Learn to love your family and your husband dearly.
Learn to care about how you affect others. Work to be a kind nurturing part of their life- someone they come to to feel better. Not someone they avoid because they'll feel bad.

A true lovely housewife is just that....lovely.  kind....gentle.. delicate.

Tame your inner giant and learn to love and forgive.

Much love always,
Veronique
 

2 comments:

  1. Thanks ! Great work! Please keep posting! It's very encouraging!Thanks again!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much!! It means so much to hear that! ;)

      Delete

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.