Thursday, May 2, 2013

When Your Husband Is Affecting Your Progress

Along with the decline of society there is another issue affecting women. It has to do with abuse and disrespect. No matter how perfectly you follow my program, if you have a husband who is tearing you down there are steps you will need to take. Sadly, there are men who are out TO tear you down. If you invest much emotional energy in them, it will destroy you. One of the key traits of an abusive man is the tendancy to be really sweet to lure you in.... then suddenly drop the hatchet and hit you in a  way that only they would know to do. They know your secret fears, insecurities and frailties and target them. They may sabotage your steps to succeed. I've seen it where a man would literally purposefully mess up the house whenever his wife cleaned it.. or one that would actually hide the wife's makeup bag, tinker with her car... you name it to stop their progress. The drive in these men is insecurity but at times, their fear of losing you can cause them to control you in a dangerous way. They don't want to be vulnerable so they try to keep you from being something they have to fear. Then they act aloof and uninterested to further keep from feeling fearful. These men live in fear but this kind of behavior shows a deep need of you and a dangerous reliance. If a man is fearful of your success, he may truly tear you down. It's not going to be possible to climb out of the pit if you're allowing him to keep throwing sand down.

1. Don't allow a man to mistreat you. If it is clear that he is out to sabotage you, don't share your goals with him. Don't let him know your secrets. Keep things private from him as you work on your goals. Pray.

2. If he is dangerous, get away... each and every time you SENSE a threat. If nothing changes. Leave. Your life is worth more. I know it's scary and you may have no place to go, contact me and I will help you find a place. Your life is too precious to let a man hurt you. You don't have to divorce if it's not your religious preference, however, sometimes separation is essential and I'm so sorry to say but usually a man who is beating or mistreating you, is also being unfaithful. There is likely grounds TO divorce if so. All men have the instinct to stray. If he doesn't respect your feelings, there's really likely nothing stopping him.

3. If he is showing no interest in you... once again, he is likely cheating. By all means improve yourself, be on your best behavior, but if nothing improves consider that as a possibility. Men everywhere will tell you that if a man isn't showing interest in you, he is likely showing it elsewhere and I don't know why but when a man does cheat, he suddenly starts treating you terribly. It's a horrible sad fact. So many women being cheated on say they don't understand why he is being mean to them... after all, he's the one that is cheating... sadly the more they are with the other women, the more they despise you for not meeting their needs. If you are here.... I would honestly leave.

4. This is my personal belief and you are free to disagree but I do feel it wouldn't be wise. If you are living with him and unmarried.... and marriage isn't in the near future... for your own sake, move out. If a man won't marry you, he likely doesn't respect you and as time goes by he will want to less. Once they begin to take you for granted any dreams of a happy wedding will all but fade. Because it's not a huge commitment, he's more likely to cheat, stray, mistreat etc. For your own sake, believe you are worth more. Wait to live with a man until marriage. 

There is a difference in our society and others. Men are not as loyal to families as they once were. It is easier than ever to cheat and many men are. Be the glamorous housewife. Be something he feels he has to earn and sees as worth investing in. If women were truly 50s housewives again, they wouldn't be easy and they would require marriage. Improve your value. If we all start carrying a pricetag and not giving ourselves away for free, guess what? Men won't treat us like we're nothing anymore. They will know they have to earn our love and that we don't come cheaper than marriage and everything. Because they know this, they will treat you SO much better. Men are the way they are now because we as women have allowed them to be. STOP. Taking the rule of supply and demand, let's increase our value and be worth more again. Let's wait to be intimate and require marriage  Be everything you can be... don't let a man destroy you emotionally, if you are being mistreated, you may need to consider leaving  even if only for a time. I heard a radio program state... 'If you are finding that all of your goals and plans you had pre-relationship seem to have been all but forgotten and every day is trying to appease or crying about your man, something is wrong.' Remember those goals. If your man is cruelly looking at every woman but you and it is painfully hurting you.. here is a secret trick. Do NOT let yourself feel bad. He's just being cruel. Imagine you are the most beautiful woman in the world at that moment. Imagine that every feature that woman has, you have even more. Keep your head held. Imagine men are looking at you. Do Not allow yourself to slip into feeling defeated and insecure. It is the surest way to combat his attack. DON'T LET IT TEAR YOU DOWN. Practice this whenever you feel insecure or he tries to make you feel that way. It's just another tactic to tear you down and make you feel defeated. Keep up on your goals. Smile at your progress. Dress pretty even if he insults or tries to mock it... avoid him if he does. Don't let him ruin your progress. If he shows interest in other women... walk away. You don't have to sit and take that. Don't let him make you feel bad or hold such power over you. You are in charge of your self confidence NOT him. If you like a goal and he discourages it, do it anyways. Your goals are your goals. Be you. Let yourself blossom. Walk away from rude behavior. If it's constant stay away. Only be around him when he treats you right. This is the right thing to do even IF you stay. Stay when he treats you right. The minute he doesn't, quitely find another thing to do in another room... but do not stay and take that kind of mistreatment. If he loses company, he will catch on. He may be cruel but if he abuses.... LEAVE. You have the right to set boundaries on how a man treats you, if not separation is necessary. You do not have to take abuse.
You CAN  have a lovely marriage. You do your part and be your best but be on guard for when he's not. Don't let him tear you down. Praise him for lifting you up. Be an example of what marriage should be.

If you need anything, let me know. Much love always and happy homemaking.


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