Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Remember Me? It's Girlfriend Time

One of the things that women of old did that we could definitely learn from is keeping up with loved ones. There was a recent death in my husband's family that left him in shock. The worst thing was that this loved one was incredibly dear to him. Yet in the last 5 years, I doubt if he even called him once.

We all have these relationships. It may be the cousin that was your dearest friend that you shared every secret with when younger. The best friend in high school that made even the dullest class hours interesting. Perhaps you had a coworker that you adored and just lost track with after quitting a job.

The list goes on.

We tend to move on in life and forget those who meant so much to us... yet then, when we are all alone, we have no one. But actually we do. Do you realize that those friendships are all still out there? Those friends that you just forgot are still there. It is so hard to make a new connection that it is quite silly to let one go that you felt so close to. Friendships and bonds are dear. They are important. They are the spice of life. If you have people in your life that you felt close to at one time, treasure that. Get their birthday, get their address and at least once a year, check in with them. Spend time with them or call them and keep that friendship alive. When times are difficult in your marraige, you won't feel so all alone.

When you get married, it doesn't mean, cease to have your old life. I see more miserable marriages than I ever have. Yet one thing seems constant in this new society.Once people get married, they close off their entire lives other than their spouses. They didn't do that in the past. Women kept up with their girlfriends. Granted, they had the days 'husband free' to keep up with each other. Hubby was at work so if they got lonely, calling a girlfriend or stopping by was natural. Now, with us super women trying to work AND manage homes and failing miserably I must say... we let go of the relationships that keep us young, that keep us socially active, trendy and full of life.

When you cut off female relations you can seriously diminish your appeal. We become like the sibling of all boys..... boyish. Our only influence is a man that doesn't think spending much time grooming is necessary, and before we know it, we become the same way. Stay around trendy well dressed women. Keep the influence of women close by. You become what you are around the most. You do NOT want to look like your husband..... yet many women do!!

Find a way to get social. I have been spending this week getting everyone's birthdays that EVER meant anything to me along with addresses. Some of the emails made my stomach sink to write. There was a sense of guilt and feeling I abandoned them as I started to write. A feeling of almost akwardness as I began and the truth is, they may be hurt you cut contact with them. Restore that. Fix it. Rather than going out trying to find new girlfriends although that is a lovely idea too, nurture the ones you already have. Don't let them pass away and leave you feeling that awful pit in your stomach then. Your are robbing yourself of dear friends. The pit as you write them now will diminish the pit of regreting that you never did. And there is a true joy in sending out a birthday card once a year.

Hand written letters are dear. Send them. Face to face contact is essential. Plan a ladies lunch once a week if you can. Stay social. Stay active. Be a loving dear housewife of the 50s that didn't forget birthdays. The one everyone knew would remember. One of the traits of an ideal 50's housewife was being a socialite and planning fabulous get togethers. Start now just remembering others.  You'll love yourself for it.

I promise

Much love,

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