Wednesday, December 11, 2013

As Christmas Approaches

I have been pondering what to write about today. At this time of year, some of you are more motivated than ever. Something about the Christmas season brings life to your home and you are captivated by the lights.
 And then, there are the rest of you. Those that are alone. Those that are hurting. Those that are ill. Those that are cold. All with heartache. I know how hard this time of year can be. I know the ache of each Christmas movie and the way you just want to avoid Christmas songs when this is you. I want to encourage you to find your peace this season. If you can't jump for joy over the Christmas season, find another form of peace. In such cases, I actually recommend avoiding things that will bring heartache. Don't focus on things that will trigger painful memories. Instead of sitting in your home missing those gone, get out... take a walk.. find a new activity. Find an escape in something that won't trigger heartache. If the heartache overwhelms, pour it out... to a friend, a notebook or God. Release and breathe. This too shall pass.
Life is full of seasons. Some so full of joy that their absence brings a pain so unbearable. But there is music in the balance and good times will come again.
Find time to reach out to those you love this season. Find time to be thankful for what you have.
Find time to be grateful for the memories.
and find time to yourself to reflect.
One of my favorite things to do as the holidays approach is review the last year.
What goals did you have when it started? How did it turn out? What changes if any do you wish you had made and what things are you so grateful for?

This is the perfect time to scrapbook your year... to write journals recapping your memories and putting them in a book for future generations. This is the time to clean that spare room. This is that time to let go of the painful reminders. This is that time to welcome peace and release pain.
And this is the time to find love.
This month has been such a huge one for me. It's been a reminder that we aren't just dealing with our feelings in this world. We are dealing with flesh and blood. Every action you make affects another. Every single one.

So often we get caught up in our feelings that we may open or close doors that can really hurt another person.
Who are you hurting today? Who are you loving today? What affect are you having on the Christmas of another? Are you the reason someone is lonely?
If you have children, what kind of Christmas are you giving them?
If you have a husband, do you give him a Christmas to remember?

What kind of atmosphere do you create in your home.
If you are not thinking of these things, it will be too late before you know it.
Now is the time to make memories.
Now is the time to show love.

There is no guarantee of tomorrow but there is always today.
Love those God gave you. Cherish their feelings. Care for them.
Stand by them.
Enjoy the holidays. I will make a definite attempt to be on much more often.
Much love,

Monday, December 2, 2013

Setting Your Priorities

It's amazing to me how as a writer, I am so quiet in other ways. 

 When my soul needs to speak, it does prefer the written word. I'll feel a tug at my heartstrings and out it all pours. I used to see it as a fault, a flaw. Where others could write one paragraph, for me, it would be a page. It was the way I was different. The thing others told me to change of myself. But deep down, it was who I was ...and I learned to accept it.   

 Over my life, it is my writing that has defined me. It is my writing that has saved me. And when I pray, it is often a long romantic letter to
God. It is my favorite form of expression. It is my soul.
 I have been learning so much this week about personal identity. How much I let others at times, decide just about everything for me. When I do rise up to make my own decisions, I often feel guilty. I am actually usually discouraged. I am even afraid to write some of the things I long to do as family wouldn't agree. One of those being culinary arts My love aside from writing. I can tend to try so hard to please everyone that I please no one. I have literally almost married a man I didn't love, lived for years where I didn't want to live, worked where I didn't want to work, even followed a diet I didn't want to follow... simply from inability to say no. When a day came that I looked at everything I'd written down to do each evening and not gotten to that morning, it became clear to me. I was putting off my needs until I'd met everyone else's. I tried to put everyone else first to a fault. I never got to me. I also habitually accepted everything and had far too much on my plate.
 Where it seems it would be so generous, I end up failing everyone miserably and denying myself far too much sleep. There are only so many hours in a day after all. It's hard for me to say no. My heart wants to do so much. Literally to the point of almost marrying someone I didn't even want to marry. I remember praying it would end and amazingly, someone else stopping it. But what if they hadn't? And years later, I'm the same. I wait for a rescue instead of just living the way I feel is right for me. I try too hard to please. too hard to not offend. I think it goes back to living for Him or others.

 Obviously we're not going to be much for Him, if we're living for Joe... or Sally or whomever it may be. I don't think we even realize how much we are doing that. Each day, look at what you feel God calling you to. That has to be priority number one after time with Him. Then, look at everything else you were planning to do...write it all down. Now, make a few columns. 1) things I'm doing because I don't want to let someone down 2) things I'm doing because I actually long to do them 3) important things I need to do.

 It's all about 321. If you don't get to one, you're not meant to. Let it go. Live for Him. And everything else will work out. If that person is that upset about something you feel called to, you've got to learn to let them be upset. Live for God. Do what you know is right. With Him calling the shots, you're just fine.
Much love always, V

Saturday, November 30, 2013

Posts Will Return This Week

Thank you so much for your patience as I have been working through some issues in getting blogs posted. Blogs will be returning this week. I have missed blogging dearly and am eager to resume.

In hopes that everyone is having a wonderful holiday ;)

Much love

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

A Place of Love

How do you write of homemaking when your home is empty? That has been such a huge struggle for me this month.
But homemaking is in my blood. It is what I live for.
There is such a joy, such a calling and such a reward in being the one to love, nurture, care for those God calls to my home.
My heart is so full of love for every soul that I've had in my home. 
My heart aches for those I've lost.
I have been in so many roles.
I have had so much.
I can say with certainty, that there is no joy like the one God has called me to.
I remember being in manaagement and thinking I had it made. But when I got to the top, I thought... now what?

I was only 20 something. Was that it for me?
I ended up on the phone each night until 4am...alone.
Then I was in radio. I dated this musician or that.
But at the end of the night, I was just a pretty thing on their arm.They never loved me. I grew to depise the shallow flirtation. I grew to despise being surface deep. 
The men I dated had no interest in me. I was just their outfit that day.
One of many outfits.And this outfit was aging. And this outfit wanted to be loved. 
Then I fell deeply in love. I believed. This was the one I was sure.
I was engaged. This was it.
But it wasn't.
He never married me. We dated for ages.. it was never time.
I got to play housewife but my heart knew that marriage wasn't coming. I grew to hate seeing weddings. As love faded and his eyes wandered I cried so hard it hurt. I wanted his love so badly... but I was just a fling. He loved me sure. He was perfectly willing to show love. But I wasn't the one. He didn't want a one.
Now... even now... I get hoots. I get hollers. I get told how fascinating I am.
I feel the emptiness.
but one thing gives me joy. One thing gives me life. One things fulfills my soul.
It is making my home. It is offering love. It is creating peace and harmony in a world full of lonely people.
So many will never know what I took for granted growing up.
The love of a home.
Marriage isn't meant to be two strangers living in isolation. It isn't meant to be a man chasing everyone but his wife. It isn't meant to be a wife that forgot how to love or that she was beautiful.
Home isn't meant to be kids that despise their parents.
Or parents that are too busy for their kids.
Home is supposed to be your greatest love. Your strongest encouragment. The place where you are accepted. The place with an open ear.

Families are meant to hold each other up and guide each other's paths.
There should be love. There should be joy. There should be heartache.
It should be a place where you spirit grows.
Marriage... the greatest love there is.
In marriage you have the chance to love as God loves. You have the chance to consider another before yourself and love them through their struggle. It is a partnership to make life more bearable and push you through hard times. Marriage makes even the hardest days worth living. There is another soul surviving by your side to help you through it.
Don't settle for what isn't love
Don't settle for what isn't home.
Don't give up on yourself or what God has called you to.
There is so much more to life than this.
Most of all, NEVER give up on those you love. Even in your battles, if you truly look, you will see their love. Never let that go.
Never go to bed upset. Never part angry. Always let them know you love them.  There is no guarantee of tomorrow... but they are there today.
Too often we rush through life complaining of this or putting off this.
Don't ever let your selifish desires cause you to ignore what will in the end be the most precious parts of your life.
Yes, that job is great for the ego but in your last days it won't be the job you miss.
Yes, that car is shiny now... but when your love is gone. It won't mean much.
I have lived with much. I have lived little.
A home is a home. And a home is not defined by the furniture nor the price.
Home is defined by the love. The stronger the friendship, the deeper the love, the stronger the fight, the more valuable the home.
Make your home a wellspring of love.
Yes, tend to your duties. Make your home lovely
but remember that the home is made for love.
Love those you care for.
Make their days a memory they won't want to forget.
Love them with every part of your soul.
Care about their struggles.
Care about their needs.
Help them through their trials
Be there when they weep.
That is the greatest calling you will ever have
and you will never find a joy that compares.

I promise.
Much love,

Sunday, November 17, 2013

The Internet Snare

I'm writing about affairs today.
Many have never had the temptation.
Most say I would never! But I do believe that Satan wants to interfere with anything of God. At some time, either you or your spouse will face temptation.
Facebook has caused the ultimate temptation.
It can be so tempting to 'correspond' with this guy when you're feeling down or your husband has ignored you for the 100th time.
It is a web of deceit crafted by the one who wants to hurt you!
And we don't often think logically when it happens.
When it happens and you're feeling that amazing feeling of being appreciated and adored, think!
Didn't your love do that as well in the beginning?

Then...I want you to think of all of the hard times you've gone through with your spouse... the ways he's seen you at your worst and still loved you and then, imaging this new man seeing you all the same ways.
Imagine those fights with this new person. Would their personality truly be any better.
No! Unless you are being cheated on or abused, I do not believe it is right to leave the man God gave you!!
This new man would in time turn cold as well. Then you will have the heartache of this new love turned dry as well as letting your old love go. Don't double the agony. Work on the love you have.
I believe you fell in love with or connected with your husband for a reason.
I also know for a FACT that the feelings you had at first and MORE are possible!!
Do you know how to get to them??
You have to close off the IDEA of anyone else in your mind and focus SOLELY on them as your love...They have to as well but here's a secret... even the most distant man will come around when he sees the love return in your eyes. I have seen it time and time again. That coldness is mistrust. That coldness is hurt. The most closed off man will melt when you look at him with deep love and show the attraction and feelings you once had for him again. He may mistrust it at first but he will come around.  Men want to be appreciated. When they aren't, they feel the same pains we do. Only they show it differently. Instead of crying and trying harder, they close off and pull away. They are not comfortable with that emotion. Literally they run from it. So when they are deep down aching for you, they may show it as anger, coldness, distance. etc.
 The deep ache for you is hidden behind cold lifeless eyes. Those cold eyes show a man's pain. Respond to it as such.
There are things that can cause deep trials in a man's life. I believe that God placed you into your love's life to help him through such times. Only the softness of a woman's love can comfort a man through his deepest storms. I believe that is why God created us as the perfect companion.
I promise you...
When you are both able to remember why you chose each other and return to seeing each other as the only one, voila, the love is back.
The secret to keeping the spark is that both sides have to consistently see the other as 'the only one' for them.
When that happens, love can grow so deep.
Don't neglect time with them.
Don't hurt them and close them off with affairs.

Love is something to never take for granted. They should be a part of you. Not something you would willingly hurt.
Love your spouse.
Care for them.
There is no gift as great as a love relationship.
God is able to love and care for you so dearly through the eyes and arms of your love.
Cherish it.

You will feel God's love in your marriage
You will only feel Satan's misery in an affair.
The deepest love comes through the experiences you share together. The man who stands by you through hard times and hurts is something to cherish. Don't let him go. Cherish him!
Choose love.
May God Bless you!

Friday, November 15, 2013

It's All About Love

Well my dearest readers, I apologize so truly for my absence. Along with some very stressful moving and equipment changes,  I have been in a bit of depression over some personal changes in my life. The biggest of which being that I haven't been with my love in over a month now. For some reason, blogging about homemaking and loving him has been very hard for me. I would start to sob uncontrollably as I did because I missed him so terribly. I do believe God calls us to things and we are to go where He leads but my lack of family and home has been heart wrenching this week. I can, however, say with absolute certainty that there is NOTHING that replaces the security and warmth of a home. Nothing. The lack of it this month has been debilitating.
Treasure your home ladies. Make it the ultimate resting place for you and  your loved ones. Celebrate  and treasure it with d├ęcor and warm meals. Each day that you have with your loved ones is a day to treasure... there is no guarantee of tomorrow. If you do nothing else with your life, love those you have near you and never take their presence for granted.
If you find yourself alone, whether your love is away on business or other reasons, don't let yourself or your home go. Keep in touch with him. Nurture and love your home and find a way to keep his presence there even in his absence.
I am going to get back to blogging about different aspects of housekeeping on assigned days throughout the week. I will incorporate our schedule and help you to learn to use it and personalize it to you. I will encourage you to overcome your emotional roadblocks. I believe that as women, you are the emotional security for your home. Those entrusted to you depend on you for their emotional security and support  as well as your love and your comfort. A mother's love is unmatched. A wife's love is the glue that holds the world together. 
The best part is, your heart is never happy unless it has them TO care for. There is nothing that you will ever do or find in life that will ever give you the peace that caring for your loved ones does... not money, not fame, not success. Nothing. God has a purpose for us. I believe our purpose is found in caring for those we love and creating an ideal home environment to care FOR them,
Rediscover your femininity
Rediscover your love
Reach out to those you care for
Lean on help from above
'cause when this life is over
and all things fade away
you'll wish you'd held them closer
as your slipped forever away
I can remember my last visit with my uncle.
Now those of you who don't know me, wouldn't know how dear he is to me.
I pretty much had no family for a very long time. But he was there.
I started to care for him when my grandma died. He had been living with her and was handicapped.
I cleaned and cooked for him. 

It was always fun in spite of hard times. He loved my cooking and I loved cooking for him. I loved changing his sheets and cleaning his home and tending his garden. I thought he'd be there forever.
He got married a short time later and I saw him less but found every reason to see him. His  driving started to be odd.
He started to swerve off the roads often. He'd suddenly be going 75 in a 35 out of nowhere. I felt nervous and wondered what was happening. A month later, he got signed up with Veterans' insurance. He came over and I'll never forget feeding him a cream cheese and chicken enchilada. Thinking he'd be there forever promising him snickers fudge on his next visit.
I was at a cooking demo at the mall a short time later and someone said they were so sorry about my uncle. He was diagnosed with a brain tumor.
That tumor killed fast. He was dead in less than 6 months.
The next few months were a blur. I didn't get to see him much. Family swarmed around and I was kind of left out.
I finally bought a bike one day and rode it many miles to see him without calling ahead. I will NEVER forget the way he grabbed my hand and held it so tight. My heart ached. I knew it was over. I wanted to leap into it with him and go WITH him to where he was going. That realization that I was losing my uncle killed me. I wasn't ready.
I promised to bring him lilacs the next week. He passed two days later.
His absence haunts me because I didn't see it coming. It was a diagnosis and it was over. Like so many. Car accidents, plain wrecks, natural disasters.
Life is never certain.
If you do nothing else, love your family first.
Have no regrets.
Much love always

Thursday, October 31, 2013

Another Lesson Sneak Peak

With our system failures, I'm afraid I've been so busy that keeping up with my students as well as blogging on this blog has been a struggle. It is all beginning to come together so I am excited to say that I should be blogging on schedule asap.

Enjoy this sneak peak of a housewife course lesson for a treat today on me ;)

Now that we should have 'making' a good impression down, let's consider what it takes to make a lasting impression for charm.
Unfortunately life doesn't consist of only meeting, impressing and parting. We live with people long after our first meeting and our fascinating tendencies can be known to become less fascinating over time. I have so many in this course frustrated with just that problem. They tend to avoid those who 'do' know them always in search of someone who might find them fascinating.
The famous after dinner speaker or well known celebrity has an advantage over the rest of us. The only time we see them is in their dazzling display of charm. For the rest of us, first impressions are only steps. Becoming a great hostess involves learning to dazzle not just once, but many times. It takes learning to build friendships that wear well. It takes getting people to like us day after day, feel comfortable with us, feel important and satisfied after being with us.
This is a challenge for many. How on earth is this accomplished?
The externals of appearance are the smooth pavement that lead the way to our more durable work. Being liked has nothing to do with intelligence or education. We know many intelligent women who have a knack for saying the worst thing at the worst time. Many times these women have high marks in school but failing scores in popularity. Looking deeply, what caused this person to be so disliked?
It is usually not brains but something our society lacks today..... 'good old fashioned kindness and an active imagination.'
Honest opinion is neither necessary or kind. Consider the one who says, "I feel you ought to know.."  This is often the cruelest phrase in the English Language. It often introduces information the recipient should NOT know and will experience pain and sadness as a result 'of' hearing. If you are fond of disclosing such truths, it should be no surprise when recipients decide not be around after a while.
How are you with others? Do you expect others to be tough as you strike their hearts with painful words? Do you get so caught up in your agenda that you forget to consider how others feel? Do you put down or look down on the "empty headed" woman who has all of the friends you long for?
Or are you an over timid woman who worries that she lacks social skills or IQ and thus fears social competition?
Before you go off feeling inferior intellectually....
Consider Suzy: She, by intelligence standards was not the brightest gal you could meet. Some may call her quite 'un' intelligent. Yet, she was captain of one team, manager of another, and one of the few winners of 'best all around girl.' There wasn't a boy or girl on campus who didn't like her. She was an addition. Her academics...not really much to speak of.
She had what people liked: she was considerate, loyal, sweet and sympathetic. She had the brains to remember to help mend a roommate's slip. She would dance with the poorest dancer in school and make them feel amazing. She had just the right words for the self-conscious girl and the ability to make her beam with happiness. She is no longer a 'Miss' at all. She is now a wife, mother and known by all for her gracious home, lovely children and tremendous charm. Her talent is applied kindness and it can be easily learned.
So often we have our eyes focused on ourselves. We worry if our hair looks right. We wonder if others like 'us.' We worry about finding someone to help us, or let us through or smile at us. In the process are we thinking of doing the same for them? Are we noticing the hair of the girl who is wondering the same? Are we letting others know that yes we do like them? Are we helping others when we see their need? Are we smiling at 'them?' Is our smile sincere?
A Time For Thank Yous
There is rarely an hour that passes when someone isn't doing something for you. The grocery boy? The Mailman? The people you may forget to be grateful for- those you work and live with.
Do you stop to notice the work they do to make you comfortable?
The woman with tired feet helping you through a checkout with a long line and no break?
The call center rep who is working long hard hours answering phones and helping you? The receptionist at the office you frequent? The neighbor you see outside as you pass by? Your waitress or waiter - especially if they are new or struggling? Your husband as he waits on you kindly?
What is your attitude towards them? Are they simply scenery, something you paid for and needn't be aware of? Your attitude towards those who serve you reflects your attitude towards everyone else. I once dated a man who was quite cold to a waitress. He talked down to her, looked at her with disdain and thought only about what 'he' needed. As charming as he was that night to me, I did see this very side of him not long after. It was who he was 'behind the mask.'
True charm springs form warmth, not etiquette.
"Thank you" is a way to recognize the need we all have for each other and the appreciation for those who are giving to us. Recognize that we all live with the help of God and 'each other.' When you see this, there will be a new note in your thank you. It will not longer be just a phrase. It will begin to be reflected in every single contact.
Be sincere. False gratitude hurts even more than no gratitude.  The important thing is your awareness of those who have helped you, in however small a measure. Put yourself in their shoes. How would you like to be treated? What would your struggles be? What would YOU be like to work with?
Do you use your thank yous to draw attention to yourself or do you pay attention to them? Learn to be truly grateful. Learn to look at them.
Be grateful to others and they will be more grateful to you. We are not alone. We are all going through our own struggles The best thing on earth would be us helping each other to get through.
Start to notice not only your own perspective but those around you. As you're feeling self conscious, notice the others that are as well. Seek to make others more comfortable. Seek to put others at ease.
I wish you love, health and many blessings.
Have a lovely day.
Much love always,